Phoenix Song

Old and withered, I cry out in the pain of it all.

Knowing that no one is left to answer my call.

Consumed by sadness, despair and fear,

I search for what still holds me here.

I cannot seem to find a thing, the thing that holds me here.

So I sigh, and with a final cry, I burst into flame.

But instead of the cold grip of death, I feel the pull of life.

Reborn anew, no longer a captive of grief and strife.

I am still who I was before, but somehow not the same.

I am a wild, newborn thing, no longer shy and tame.

The pain still hides within my chest, an ache of the past.

But I no longer feel the need to let it hold me fast.

So in my finally desperate hours, where my soul gave in.

I grew and became something new, not captive of that sin.

I am a creature of flame, of feathers, bone and wing.

Yet all will hear my song when I decide to sing.

There's a light on up the hall

So I've decided the next few entries will be lyrics from songs I love, and my reflection on them, and how I see them applying to my life. So today's song will be Lift Me Up, by Kate Voegele. I have kind of taken on this song as my summer theme song. Here are the Lyrics: 

Lift Me Up, Kate Voegele 

This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town

Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Somewhere, every body starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears

Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

So what this means to me. Well last year, I had a pretty rough year. It really knocked me around. And during that year, I did things I really regret. But I am growing and healing from it. And trying to become almost a phoenix persay. I am become a better version of myself, a version that burns with passion for people, and one who utilizes her gifts for God's will. This song kind of puts that feeling into words. I am not there yet, but the hope remains. I have faced it, but I have survived. I am only blazing all the brighter. And that I am still fighting to become more. With God's help, I can overcome it. And I will. 

Thanks for reading. :)

Summer Playlist :)

Here are some of the artists that made it onto my summer playlist: 

- Sam Hart

- Starfield 

- Story of the Year 

- Strays Don't Sleep 

- Tyler Hilton (great voice!) 

- The Beatles 

- The Wreckers

- Band of Horses

- The Beach Boys 

- Butch Walker 

- Coldplay 

- Death Cab for Cutie (Awesomeness in music form!) 

- The Fray 

- Idina Menzel 

- Joshua Radin (Best ever! I want to marry his voice! :) 

- Kate Voegele 

- Michelle Branch 

- Regina Spektor 

Check some of these out! They are pretty awesome, and if you want to know specific songs, let me know, and I'll tell you what songs I love from each artist. Thanks! :) 

Year off dating

Last June, I decided to take a year off dating. Here is my account of this past year: 

Where did this year go? And what happened to the girl who started this year? I feel like a different person. Older, and maybe even a little wiser. 

 

I started the year of dating for selfish purposes. I was stuck between guys and I wanted there to be a reason for the singleness I had found myself in. So I decided to take a year off dating. A year to celebrate singleness and the uncomplicated-ness of it. But during this year, I have found myself. My calling, my passion, my heart. I have found a reason for this life and for what has happened in this life. I have faced sucesses and I have faced failures. I have had people I love die. I have lost friends. I have looked darkness in the eye and laughed. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and because of His glorious love, I fear no evil. I know that He is there, and that He is my one true beloved. One day, in my dance with God, he will let the right man cut in. But for now, God and I are going to dance tangos together. Tied up in his glorious love and plan for my life. Hallelujah!

 

So, what started as a simple year of dating has evolved into a glorious relationship with my Lord. So now, instead of "taking a year off dating" I am taking a year to get closer to God and to gain new insights into myself. And after this goal, I just might start another one. Not to hide behind, but to celebrate in.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is such a taboo subject in our world. And this is mainly because people force forgiving and forgetting into the same category. I don't believe they belong together. I don't think there is any credibility in the old saying "Forgive and forget." Forgiving does not mean letting someone off the hook for what they have done to you. Forgiving is simply allowing yourself to acknowledge that an action hurt you, and then to let the person who did the hurting know that they hurt you. It puts the ball into their court so to speak. I ran across a quote by Lewis Smedes that really helped me with forgiveness, and I'm going to share it with you now. "When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it." 

In forgiving an act done towards us, we are calling it what it is. Something that hurt. Letting the other person know they have hurt you, and that you have forgiven them for that pain. A lot of people I have talked to who have been deeply hurt hold out on forgiveness because of the fact that they are not ready to forget. Some things can never be forgotten. But by holding on to the pain, you cause it to rule you. Run your life, and let the person who wronged you stay in control. Forgiving them is gaining back that control, and letting go of the bitterness that might have stopped you from forgiving. Just my thoughts on the subject. 

The Boy in Striped Pyjamas

So I decided to take the time to watch a movie tonight and chose "The Boy in Striped Pyjamas". I was interested in it when I first so the trailer for it in theatres, so I decided to watch it. I'll give a brief synopsis of the movie: 

Bruno is an 8 year old boy living in Germany during the Nazi regime. His father is a Nazi soldier, and is promoted. But, they have to move far away from Berlin, to the country. At first, Bruno hates it, because he has no one to play with. Then he sees the "farm" from his window where everyone wears "striped pyjamas" and wants to play with the children he sees there. But his parents tell him he is not allowed to go back there. When the oppurtunity arises, he runs there and meets a little boy named Schmul who is behind the electric fence. A friendship blossoms between the two; one that seems to blur the "modern" way of thinking. 

I have to say, I was expecting it to be sad. I mean, it's a movie about a work camp. But this was a 5 kleenex movie for me. I cried and got angry, and cried some more. Now, this might be partly because I am a crier. But, I have a feeling that a lot of people would have the same reaction to this movie and fall in love with the little boy's friendship. I would highly recommend everyone see this movie, though I would suggest that you bring some kleenex along and maybe watch it in the privacy of your own home. It's a movie that will resonate with me for a long time to come. Enjoy watching!

wedding vows

So for my Social Work 245 class, I have to write a sample wedding vow. So I did. Here it is. 

We all hear in fairy tales about the Prince Charming who comes into the Princess's life and whisks her away. Sweeps her off her feet. He is dashing, charming and very handsome. Well it didn't happen like that for me. I mean, you are handsome, charming and dashing, but you are more of a stable boy than a Prince. You come to me, with a crooked smile playing on your lips and  a twinkle in your eye and you are worth more to me than 400 Princes. You always know what to say to me. You make my heart beat just as fast as it did the first time I saw you. Everytime we kiss, I still get butterflies. And these are giant butterflies. Not just the tiny normal ones. I can not wait to spend all my life with you. Through the rocky times and the sandy times. When I am throwing up and you have to hold my hair, and when you are sick and I rub your back and make you soup. We will face it all together, hand in hand. I will love you even when you are old, wrinkly and senile. I am so excited that I get to be with you, even when I won't remember you in old age, my heart will know you. My stableboy. God gave me you, and I couldn't have created a more perfect Prince.